People ask me sometimes why I got trained as a life coach when my main focus is to help people find satisfying jobs and careers. In my mind, I find those skills invaluable when working with job seekers. Here’s why.
I hear from people all the time that they feel unhappy in their job. I’ve been there so I understand but I like to ask the question why a few times to find the reasons. At first ask, the answer may be “I hate my boss” or “I’m not getting paid enough” but often these are superficial reasons that make me wonder if there is more going on. The why helps me get at that.
It’s Not an Easy Ask
In general, people don’t like to ask why and would rather go to the more forward-looking how, as in “how do I update my resume?”, “how do I know my transferable skills?”, “how can I get better at networking?”, etc. These are good questions but they don’t address the core reason of why they aren’t happy where they are. Sure, you know you are spinning your wheels at your job and you want the skills to get out, but I like to make people think of the reasons before they take action.
Do you feel like you aren’t getting paid enough so it’s time to leave? A lot of people think that way but never approached their boss to ask for a raise out of fear. Why not? What’s that fear from? Possible rejection maybe, or self-doubt about your actual value to the organization?
Are you in accounting but you’d rather be out in the public eye shaking hands and making connections? Maybe outside sales is really your thing but you’ve never done it so you feel that you may as well stay in accounting. What is that? Are you afraid of change, or of people criticizing your decision if you were to make a switch?
Do you think that you would love to have your own business and use the skills you acquired from your career, but aren’t sure you have what it takes to be successful? Fear of taking chances is natural but where did that come from? Did your parents always tell you to play it safe and not take risks? Why do you think that still applies thirty plus years later?
In my mind these are the important questions, and I know for a fact that questions like these have held people back from making positive life and career changes, so they are worth talking about. That’s what I like to do, and over the years I’ve asked myself every one of these questions. I did that because I felt the need to deal with the underlying issues since I came to the conclusion that they were the reasons that were holding me back. Reasons like these are roadblocks to success and happiness, and they make people feel stuck and unable to make forward progress.
Driving Forward to a Real Answer
The question why has the power to break through these blocks, and it’s something you learn to ask early in life coach training. And not just once, but many times. Justin Baldoni in his book “Man Enough” calls it The Why Ladder. He writes about it in the context of men and the pressures we feel to act “masculine”, always be at the head of the pack and to keep our emotions in check or else we might show weakness. Not just men but everyone should be asking why to make sure you are dealing with the real issues.
Ask yourself why you are pushing yourself so hard to get that promotion at work. Your answer might be to make more money. Then ask yourself why again. Maybe your answer becomes that you feel you need to provide for your family. Then ask why a third time. Maybe at this point you might say you want to prove something to them and to others that you are really a success. Well then, now we are getting somewhere.
Is it all about ego and winning? Maybe you can direct your energies in other ways and put less pressure on yourself to be the breadwinner. Asking why is a nice self-check to see how healthy your motives are and to understand if there is a better way to look at things. It all starts with awareness, and that’s where life coaching can help shine some light.
I should mention that asking the question why applies to the business world as well. Simon Sinek wrote about this in his book “Start With Why”, where companies should first make sure they really understand their true purpose, mission and reason for existence. It’s a foundational question, and whether you are a multinational corporation or a solo job seeker, why establishes your compass and gets to the core of who you are. Once you are clear with that, the other questions have easier answers.
So yes, I love helping people find an awesome new career and get that job they wanted, but I like to make people think about the why first. Then I can help them figure out the how. If you don’t, then you may find yourself dealing with the same issues time and time again because these are life issues rather than career issues. Remember, in the end you are looking for life satisfaction first. and a career should serve that goal. If it doesn’t, then maybe it’s time to ask why.
